Thursday, 13 August 2015

Looking around to compare? Hold on!

Last week I was travelling to Gokarna. Late night while in bus to Hubli, I couldn't sleep. This was also the day when I made my introductory post of Taptrospection. I was fighting whole night with several thoughts on what should be my first post intended to meet the promises I made to you. With so many of you liking the blog and waiting for the real stuff to come soon, I could sense myself struggling with thoughts. I wanted to think from all perspectives - good and bad, real and imaginary, great and not so great! I was still wondering over Gautam's questions and comments on my last post. Honestly, I didn't find the answer and gave up when we finally reached Kamath Cafe for the morning tea at Hubli.

Last evening, it was raining and I was on the 13th floor of a skyscrapper. The strong urge to write took over me but I couldn't find more than just the first sentence flowing in. I think I was not happy! And I wanted to be happy..

If you remember, in my last post I asked all you readers to join me as we talk about very simple things from daily lives to solve most complicated problems. I leaned something recently which I thought should make the best first post to this blog -  I realize that as we grow up, irrespective of whether things around us change or not, we definitely shape up in ways to fall for depression. Confused? Let me tell you the entire story.

Gokarna is a place of beaches. It has some of the most fierce beaches in India. When water rushes in with force of a million bulls running together, you sense the anxiety and fear and feel how petty you are standing before the mercy of nature - the creator. You would find this surprising just as I did - the turbulent and wild waters there make make you feel really tranquil and calm; as if the power of those rising waters scared off all emotional filth that had accumulated within you, as if you feel so petty before the reality of your existence that you give up all your principles of self esteem, ego, struggle for more, jealousy and more..

On those rocks, I had thought as if I am the only one feeling free from my own emotional filth. I was wrong. My friend - was silent for long. I assumed it was the beer effect. When he was even more silent - I thought it is the beer + sea effect. When, he spoke out I realized it was taptrospection happening and I got my first post for the blog.

"Last week I was very troubled," he said. "It was one of those Friday nights when I was in highest of my spirits and was planning movie night with friends. Just then, I happened to see one of the old friends post a link on his Facebook - Feeling proud - Coolest CEOs of Coolest Start Ups, Economic Times . I quickly opened the link and read the complete article. Somehow, my heart was pounding fast. I sat there still for sometime and finally saw myself unsubscribing myself from his posts.

I took out my bike and went to  my friends place. With beer in hand and some viral videos on TV screen, we spoke and spoke. When the conversations ended, I think it was morning 3am or so, I realized I had spoken so much on my own start up ideas, team building and plans. I had also gone into the nitty gritty of the news that I read - found more links and news on my CEO friends' startup, even more until I got some where I read the challenges they are facing - improper talent, not enough funding and more..

Next morning when I came home - I was having a giddy feeling. I suddenly checked my pay slips, my travel plans for the next full year. That full week, I was either reading more on start ups or finding new jobs. The same office, same workplace, in fact same work that I had enjoyed for so long suddenly felt so lame; as if I was not getting what I deserved!

And trust me the giddy feeling stayed in me like a parasite eating me bit by bit till today.."

I smiled and tapped on his shoulder.  I also understood why was I not so happy sitting on 13th floor of  the skyscraper. 

He said I don't know why but I feel so lighter today as if I am free of that parasite. He took several deep breaths and spoke - shared his childhood tales, how he enjoyed watching documentaries on wildlife and universe, his old teacher who took him to church first time.

Comparison is the biggest enemy one can have - it is like a parasite that can kill you bit by bit even before realizing that you actually lost yourself - completely. My friend had chosen to run away from updates of his CEO friend because he couldn't accept to see and applaud at the success of others. It is very easy to applaud for things which don't matter to you - for example, if someone is awarded as the best cook, it won't disturb me because I have no fascination for cooking. I pass the real test only if I am able to applaud for my friend who gets the Booker Prize. He had suddenly started to feel dissatisfied with his own things - job, money, life and everything. He had started to become not so happy!

Not comparing is not so easy! But it can be made a part of your personality with constant tapping. You have all within you - the only thing that needs to be done is telling yourself - " Well, I see that I have started to compare. It is no sin, after all I am a human being. But the sin would surely happen, if I do not keep a check on it now". So, each time you compare, just tap on your shoulder making yourself introspect and at once stop from doing what's wrong!

There is also one another way that can help. See all that is good in you. Keep reminding yourself of the good things you have, good relations, good deeds that you do, happiness you spread, all good days and moments that you have had, may be good family that you have, good health and so much good around you. Just find it! 

What I shared with you today through this post is not a moral science lesson - it is one of the simplest ways to keep off stress and impatience, lack of peace and tranquility of mind. If you don't trust me, try it for yourself. When  you shed off that filth from within you, you will feel lighter and stronger.
We lose so many friends, acquaintance, relatives and well wishers only because we are trapped in this ill manner of comparison.

Am I wrong? Do you feel as amazing about your old friends from school, college, office as you had felt when you had met them and when they were just as successful and happy as you? Don't you shy away from their calls, messages and more when you sense yourself inferior in some way!

If we had the mind of a child and a teacher to tell jealousy is bad, we would learn but I guess we have all grown up a bit too much to learn the small things of life.

Taptrospect - It will make your shed off the emotional filth!

P.S: Few minutes of meditation by the beach with not even a single life along the beach outline made me feel like a good human being - when I shared this with my sibling, he asked if travelling is that important to become a good human being?

I am still thinking!

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  1. Well, I must say this, Astha, You are a scientist of human emotions, thoughts and feelings. The only difference a scientist and you, I feel, is: Scientists try to retrieve the science hidden in the things happening around us in our daily life, But, You try to retrieve the biggest values and lessons of life in the tiniest the moments of our lives. Great thoughts. This blog will certainly help it's readers (Who would read this particular blog with complete concentration) to cast off few of the evil and negatives emotions from them. Awesome blog!!!

  2. You are a discoverer rather than an inventor..Small things in life-we let them just go without caring to ponder upon them...For example the shivering movement of a meekly leaf in others it might be something useless..but to me, doesn't it reflect the swinging emotions and ups and downs we go through in life? As if the leaf knows death is approaching it, it starts shivering, preparing itself for Death... But obviously you may interpret the motion in a wholly exotic way..a way others will never care to think in their brightest dreams....You ARE certainly one in a Billlion!!!

  3. True motivation.. You definitely improve peoplez lives.. Ty!!