Saturday, 29 August 2015

Self respect or something more?

Yesterday my friend Amrita dropped me a note. She said I read your blog and I had a realization.

“When we write something, it happens because we want to share our feelings,” she continued.

 I really wasn’t surprised until she threw her last few words, “probably because we want to have at least someone to acknowledge how we feel – it is a means to share our happiness and sorrow with at least someone,” she said.

“Why do you write?” she asked. 

I shared a secret of my life with her yesterday. So, shall I do today.

I have two notebooks – one is bright pink and the other is dark brown in colour. I preserve my happy moments in the pink notebook while I pen down my hefty thoughts in the brown notebook. Which one is my favourite? Both.

And when I realize I have understood a new shade of life, I blog.

Today, I am sitting out in my old house, again trying to locate the tiny twirls of the money plant somewhere; or may me my own childhood, my dead grandmother in those twirls and in her slippers.

I wish we could get them back; those who are gone.

Kerela is my favourite for two things – monsoons and the malabar whistling thrush. I spent August 2012 and July 2014 in Kerela. People call it God’s own country; I feel it could be true. The evening wine and dine in the middle of a forest, perhaps with a book to take you into a literary tour, the morning mist and tea with sweet bread on the rocks, water timidly touching you and absolute wildlife existence around you – Kerela is more than just the back waters.  

I made friends with Arpan in Kerela.

Smart, intelligent, strong headed and awesome – that is how I would describe Arpan.  But Arpan was not happy!

“I am unable to understand what is right and what is wrong,” he said.

“I have given up on my own sister and I have started to disown her to find happiness. Now, I do not know if I am doing right or wrong.

My sister has something which she calls self-respect, but to everyone except her it feels much more. People call it ego. She has humiliated so many of my friends just because she felt she was not getting as much importance as she deserved.

 If she is home, I should not make any plans with my friends, if she is home I should wait for her so that we eat together, I cannot talk with my girlfriend on phone if she makes our plans for the night- even before asking me, she wants bigger and more royal rooms in hotel if we go with friends and relatives, she describes what are good manners and what are bad – all as per her convenience. And then after all this, she calls herself  humble, matured and learned!

She thinks she knows all right ways of living and if you do not live as per her, you are a moron!”

And then, Arpan sighed.

I tapped on his shoulder. He shed off all emotional liabilities at once.

Arpan's sister was not bad – she was just a simple human as all of us. Probably, with an additional attribute – ego.  There is something special about this attribute – all egoist people are always blind to it because they are self- satisfied by naming ego as self-respect. If you ask me whether it is difficult to bring out that difference, I would say absolute NO. I feel it is very easy to see that difference, provided we are not blind to it. 

His sister’s ego took all happiness from Arpan’s life – who did not just run away from home but also began to stay depressed. While she wanted to be respected like a king, superior to all, she was deprived of everything – of what Arpan could have given her and also of what Arpan could have not given her. By demanding respect and seeking that forcefully – she not just failed in her desires but also lost the only one chance that our life gives us – to love and be loved.

Today, I write this post in memory of my grandmother, I realize what it means to live life really. We just have a few years in hand – may be not even few. Either lose them all in forcing respect, love, power or be so that even when you are gone, these remain back as your memories. Look beyond what your brain makes you look – if people are hurt with your actions and words, begin with the first step of accepting than explaining.

If explanations mattered, nothing would be called a sin!

After reading this story probably you would have the same thought as I had - "I am not as Arpan's sister. She was too egoist. Off course, she was.

But we too have bits and pieces of her in us. Sometimes, it comes out before our parents, sometimes before our boss or colleagues, may be before your junior who is performing better than you, or before your friend who is filthy rich!

She it off - you will see how most difficult situations just vanish! 

Arpan tried talking to her sister for the sake of his parent’s happiness and for the sake of not letting her go from his life. He even continued accepting his sister’s bad behaviour and in process started to become a depressed man. He had no friends, his girlfriend left him, he started to hate having dinner.

When he returned from Kerela, his sister said – “You have made so many perceptions about me. No body called me egoist till you except you. I think you should move on!”

I hope you and me both know what was good for Arpan to do. Relations should be well preserved and nurtured. But if they start biting you till death, either relations should change or people should!

P.S –

I planted some new money plants today and had an extreme sense of elation. Do not really know the reason but I feel nurturing them feels like taking that smallest step towards kindness.

1 comment:

  1. Hi!Its Moubani.. Astha, really accepting is way better than explaining. Explaining might often seem to that person like you yourself are egoistic. People take ego as a bad habit. But to me it actually isn't wholly. Everyone has that ego. Some show while some hide. It has become the order of the day. Realization follows acceptance. Thank you so much, you are changing my life.....